Table of contents
Until today, the vongole at my favorite Italian restaurant always tasted just as good, but not anymore... Same time, same Italian restaurant – but the taste is different. Maybe something has changed for you? It can happen that way in relationships, too. Recipes that may have worked well for years suddenly no longer work. Your love life, your sex life, changes. What happens?
Changes that seemingly only affect one partner automatically mean a rebalancing of the relationship. Sometimes menopause, and the associated changes for both partners, coincide. Let's explore together which small moments of attention can improve the relationship and how both partners can embrace them.
What happens during menopause in men and women?
For women in perimenopause:
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Hormone levels change significantly: While estrogen fluctuates during perimenopause (sometimes high, sometimes low), progesterone often drops continuously
Needs are rebalanced (closeness/distance, sexuality, withdrawal)
Physical signs: hot flashes, mood swings, sleep problems
Profound physical and emotional transformation
In men during andropause:
Declining testosterone levels (often less obvious, but equally significant)
Fluctuating energy levels
Changes in libido
Emergence of identity questions and thoughts about life satisfaction
The "hormone slide" as a couple:
Both partners in transition at the same time
Changing needs: Sometimes she wants closeness, he wants distance – then the other way around
Previous safety mechanisms no longer work as usual
Surprising situations in everyday life
This simultaneity is both a challenge and an opportunity
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What does it mean to be a couple in love?
Love is more than a fleeting feeling—it's an attitude and a conscious decision. Especially during menopause, it becomes clear that partnership requires daily practice. It's worth reflecting on your own definition of love: What defines us as a couple? What connects us beyond everyday life?
A loving couple is characterized by closeness, trust, and shared experiences. This bond can be wonderfully strengthened through small adventures—not a trip around the world, but rather deliberate shared experiences: a bike ride in an unfamiliar area, exploring a foreign city, or a day spent intentionally "getting lost" in the forest. These moments create space for new encounters.
Perhaps the greatest challenge during menopause is to perceive change not as a threat, but as an opportunity. Precisely because everyday life often provides stability through constants, it's difficult to accept that some things are unchangeable—neither one's own body nor the familiar patterns of one's relationship.
The most important task: Getting to know yourself (again)
When I learned to let go, I learned that loving someone doesn't mean being attached to them. If you hang, you can't leave. I saw that loving someone doesn't mean waiting for them. He who waits, expects. I realized: loving someone doesn't mean making plans. If you plan for someone else, you won't have finished your own house.
Perimenopause is a phase of life that we enter with a wealth of life experience. But we shouldn't neglect the necessary curiosity, which helps us find a new balance. It's extremely beneficial to consciously accompany this phase with self-reflection, including writing down our thoughts and delving into our own needs.
Self-care is the foundation for true intimacy – like the oxygen mask on an airplane: Only when we are cared for ourselves can we care for others. This also applies to sexuality. It can help rediscover one's own desire without putting pressure on one's partner. Masturbation, as well as non-sexual touching, can be important avenues of exploration.
Date nights don't necessarily have to lead to sex. Perhaps it's more important to build emotional closeness first and see each other again, with all their changes.
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