Why does libido decrease? Learn the causes of libido loss and discover natural, hormonal, and medicinal ways to regain desire.
What happens during perimenopause? Learn how hormonal fluctuations affect your body.
Table of contents
The complex nature of desire Sex is more than penetration – but what then? What role does sex play in a relationship When both want more sex – but it doesn't happen Sex deprivation as a new start Masturbation as the key to your own desire Planning time for touch Why it's hard to plan sex – but spontaneous desire doesn't always work either Conclusion: Taking the path to rediscovered desire Frequently asked questions about sex during perimenopause
The complex nature of desire
Sex is relaxation, euphoria, closeness—but also stress. It's influenced by numerous factors—a complex interplay of hormones, stress levels, relationship dynamics, and daily routines. People would normally enjoy a pleasant sexual experience, but sometimes their feelings and needs don't reflect that.
During perimenopause, the hormonal fluctuations in particular contribute to questioning many things that worked before. But you shouldn't let that unsettle you. How can you reactivate your desire and bring it into your everyday life?
Sex is more than penetration – but then what?
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex is equating it with penetration. This limited view not only puts pressure on everyone involved, but also fails to recognize the diverse possibilities of sexual intimacy.
Sex encompasses a broad spectrum of touch, closeness, and intimacy. A gentle touch on a shoulder, a long, passionate kiss, or an extended massage can be just as fulfilling as other sexual acts. When we let go of the fixation on "actual" sex, new spaces for desire and pleasure open up.
An important realization on the path to rediscovering pleasure is letting go of the pressure of expectations. If every intimate encounter inevitably leads to a predetermined goal, the journey there is rarely enjoyed. By allowing ourselves to be in the moment and enjoy the process, pleasure can arise naturally again, rather than being forced.
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What role does sex play in the relationship
The topic is often taboo, and when it is discussed, it is often expressed only in numbers and frequencies – yet sex is simply an involuntary moment of the most intimate closeness. Sex is a small part of the intimacy between two lovers. If it's missing, it's often questioned more, but sometimes it's enough to arouse desire.
Talking about sex - or not:
We have learned to talk about many things
We often remain silent about our most intimate needs
Even towards the people closest to us
The idea: Good sex should just "happen"
When communication meets reality:
Everyday stress and fatigue are taking over
Professional obligations require energy
Family life requires time and attention
There is often little room for intimacy
Misunderstandings and frustration arise
The key is clear communication:
Openly address wishes and needs
Make no demands
Explore together what could be enriching for both
When both want more sex – but it doesn’t happen
Paradoxically, many couples report that they actually want more sex – yet it doesn't happen. Here, unconventional approaches can help:
Sex deprivation as a new start
As contradictory as it may sound, sometimes consciously abstaining from sex for a limited period of time can reawaken desire. This "reboot" relieves the pressure and allows partners to rediscover intimacy without every touch necessarily leading to sex. The thrill of the forbidden and the growing longing can increase the tension and lead to a rediscovery of desire.
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Sauna strengthens heart and circulation: 2–4 sauna sessions per week promote heart health, reduce stress, and prolong your life. Discover the longevity hack now!
Women need more sleep than men – hormonal reasons and sleep disorders in perimenopause explained. Learn tips for more restful nights!
Learn how your skin and hair change during menopause – and what you can do about dryness, hair loss and wrinkles.
Heart health after 40: Learn how to protect your heart during menopause – with control, exercise, nutrition & stress management.
